Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 

someone pulled the pin by `spunj13:iconspunj13:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Old Poetry Structure > Lyrical




.

someone pulled the pin...

tick tick
tick tick
tick tick
tick tick
  BOOM

i've heard about your guns
and i've been told about your wars
but where does that leave us now
a nation stained with blood
      (and) we're so complacent
breathing / passionless
bleeding / passionless
dreaming / passionless
hate
      love
           coalesce

brother to brother
we'll bleed us together
man versus God
crimson agony
family to family
we'll tear us apart
      (silence)
and burst into flames

i've been told about your conflicts
and i've heard rumours of your wars
but where does that leave us now
a country faking innocence
      (and) we're so complacent
living / passionless
screaming / passionless
dreaming / passionless
hate
      love
           coalesce


tick tick tick tick
tick tick tick tick
        [pause]
and time is passing
tick tick tick tick
someone pulled the pin on the grenade;
tick tick tick tick
        [pause]
      BOOM
watch us burst into flames

.
©2003-2009 `spunj13
:iconspunj13:

Author's Comments

a short piece about war and all that nonsense... written (as you can probably tell) as lyrics...

//spunj13

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconaprigel:
~aprigel May 9, 2003, 6:38:13 AM
I love how you use spacing and font attributes in your writings.. it really adds something that this piece would ache for otherwise..
I love the complementary lines... a nation stained with blood and a country faking innocence ..very very nice.

--
:tmnt1: :tmnt2: Heroes in a half shell, turtle power! :tmnt3: :tmnt4:
:icon5t3iggy:
~5t3iggy May 9, 2003, 6:36:49 PM
Thumbs Up bravo. amazing writing.

--
5t3iggy :earth:
.:Unborn and imperishable is the original mind:.
:iconprettyinpiink:
~prettyinpiink May 17, 2003, 1:00:34 PM
you make it sound so easy. amazing. keep it up. -sara

--
A wise girl kisses, but doesn't love; listens, but doesn't believe;
and leaves before she is left.
:iconapplemenu:
~applemenu May 20, 2003, 11:49:41 AM
awesome as ever! the one suggestion i have (and i am no expert and know nothing about poetry/lyrics) but...the last part... i don't think you need to add "...on the grenade" because everyone knows what you are pulling the pin on, that it belongs to the grenade, so the sentence doesn't really need to be qulified by adding the grenade to it...personally i think it would have a greater impact without that last part of that sentence (the burst into flames part is fine). but that is just me! take it, leave it, ignore it! i know nothing! beautiful work as always!

~applem

--
::applem::


:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

[blog] [link]

[myspace] [link]

[applem] [link]

[folio] [link]
:iconmilath:
~milath May 30, 2003, 12:29:33 PM
Well, not to be insulting (cause I really don't know what your musical taste is) but this really sounds alot like something Rage Against the Machine would sing. Seems very anti-systemic. Very in your face screamed lines. Political more than lyrical to me. Definitely doesn't hit me like a ballad..

These are all good things, to me anyway. Has this been recorded as a song?

:iconn0deal:
~n0deal Jun 2, 2003, 3:13:37 AM
I fail to see how this song is anti-systemic in any way and the only thing it really has in common with RATM is that it's a political song. I love political music and as such I can't help but dig this piece. Especially since it is anti-war. Questioning why so many have gone along quiet, complacent, while hundreds - thousand loose their life so the rich can get richer. All this done in the guise of liberty and freedom. You can choose to believe what they tell you but I won't. And I sure as hell won't do what they want me to.

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
The Hollow Men - T. S. Eliot (1925)

--
Lars-Erik Forsberg
|ArtPolitic Founder|
:iconfallingskies:
~fallingskies Jun 22, 2003, 10:06:37 AM
sweet hehe everytime i see one of those fall leaves i think of Dead Poetic - and ... crap ialways forget their name.. they went on tour with NFG though... i hugn out with them too and musta heard the name a million times... something November ... i htink lol ugh i give up

cool song tho ;) (Wink)

skye

--
Skye
Previous PageNext Page

Details

May 9, 2003
0 bytes
84.9 KB
862×267

Statistics

7
1 [who?]
130 (0 today)
39 (0 today)

Share

Link
Thumb

Site Map

©2009 deviantART. All rights reserved
About Us | Contact Us | Site Tour | Help & FAQ Advertise | Services Etiquette | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Copyright Policy