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evening echoes by `spunj13:iconspunj13:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Old Poetry Structure > Emotional




.

evening echoes

your fingernail inches
       (slowly)

       d
       o
       w
       n

       m
       y

       b
       a
        c
         k

sending shivers up my spine
reminding me
of atlantic nights
transient breezes
       (breathe in deep)
and what it's like
       to hold an echo





august 12, 2002
4:15 pm
©2002-2009 `spunj13
:iconspunj13:

Author's Comments

another fictional piece... i actually wrote this yesterday while in the middle of writing the previous piece... it just sort of flowed.. and have to thank my mom for editing it since i screwed it up a bit..

//spunj13

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconcrashdown:
~crashdown Aug 13, 2002, 11:28:42 AM
I like the way you did the down my back - with the curve at the end - very creative
:iconelgatodiablo:
~elgatodiablo Aug 13, 2002, 1:59:43 PM
or perhaps, Lord Spunj of Creativity.
:iconbreid:
~breid Aug 13, 2002, 1:59:48 PM
Great job. The curve is definitely an attention getter. I'm losing myself in what "to hold an echo" means.
:iconhedda:
~hedda Aug 13, 2002, 3:01:55 PM
I too like the use of the form to convey meaning.... the trail of your back.....

catures a moment, a thought, nicely
:iconchesterfield:
~chesterfield Aug 13, 2002, 3:12:13 PM
this one's so-so to me, personally.

your mom reads you poetry? if my mom laid eyes on most the shit i've written, she'd die.

--
to love is to lose
and to lose is to die
[link]
:iconcreator07:
~creator07 Aug 13, 2002, 3:38:16 PM
Well done, creates a picture in my mind.

--
:iconrebelchic:
`rebelchic Aug 13, 2002, 5:19:19 PM
interesting format. has that...read me now feel to it which i like. you created a wonderful feeling here with your words.

--
:shakefist:
:iconnemish:
`nemish Aug 13, 2002, 8:19:48 PM
I can feel the shiver.... +fav

--
...end of line
:icon82deg:
~82deg Aug 14, 2002, 5:40:30 AM
*shiver* brrrrrr.....

i liked the trailing 'b a c k' bit too...it was definitely a unique presentation for this piece :) (Smile)
And the fingernails on the back bit...that totally left this tingly sensation in me when i read it...can't help it, I happen to be a very ticklish person =p (Razz)

......brrrrr *shiver*

--
~82deg
:confused:confused?
Isn't it about time you seek him for the truth? I have.
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