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--

enveloping silence

awkward silence
       standing
       ominous
while the miles pass between us
scenery moving on
       just a blur
while the silence grows
       enveloping us
this consequence of our actions

my silent inacceptance
your naive submission
       and i closed my eyes
to your actions
       and now that silence
binds my tongue
while bitter words infuse my brain
and tears burn in my throat
       brought back by these memories

and these miles
       pass on
       continuous
dark blur of memories
scenery unimportant
       temporary haze
while the silence grows
       enveloping us
this consequence of our actions





june 10-11, 2002
this is a piece that resulted from my weekend... i will be writing more later...then maybe the situation will make a bit more sense...but anyways... *sigh* ..here it is... (and it's my last submission for today)

//spunj13
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:iconhedda:
hedda Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2002
I know this awkward silence of which you write...
((sigh))

what I like about your poetry is how you bite into the heart of the matter with short phrases and broad strokes of meaning

Love
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:iconkgcreative:
kgcreative Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2002  Professional General Artist
:) (Smile)

thanks for the sharing...

it's summer... hopefully space and time will help some wounds to scar...

[and yes, I did say scar... not heal...]

bleh
Reply
:iconklf:
klf Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2002
i love the emotional feel...your words always seem to speak to me in one way or another...thanks for sharing this one...I truely love it.
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:iconsimba:
simba Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2002
This makes me wonder if you just broke up with someone or moved away. Unless of course you got the "I need some space" speech and you just left.

Very emotional. Well done. :D (Big Grin)
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:iconinfracta:
infracta Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2002
im taken back...this is so well written...

"while the miles pass between us
scenery moving on
just a blur
while the silence grows
enveloping us"

i love it
Reply
:iconaesta:
aesta Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2002
Haha... you got compared to Tori Amos. :) (Smile)

Anyway, pretty good stuff. I like the middle stanza the most, because it's quite intense. Personally I might go for a little less "tell" and a little more "show", but you're fairly consistent throughout the piece with the ratios of "tell" and "show" so there's nothing jarring. It works.
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:iconseriousness:
seriousness Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2002
ouch! you poor kid....arkward silences....
Reply
:iconsummerdies:
summerdies Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2002   Writer
I like the form you used here, tumbling down to the last two lines of each verse where a thoughtfulness is allowed. The emotion is well depicted in the rush of images like scenery passing by while speeding down a highway. A painful time made more so by lost images of happiness.
Reply
:icontobie:
tobie Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2002  Hobbyist General Artist
Powerful images here. And again, a show that silence can speak volumes. Wonderful shared poem. I am amazed at your willingness to expose your emotional honesty.

:-) (Smile)

Thank you for sharing!

fosPoetry
[link]

Balance

is when I hunger
for your warmth
and soft kisses

alone,
knowing
you feel the same.
Reply
:iconangelic-taint:
angelic-taint Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2002
ditto milath ;P Good stuff, I completely got the image of a car trip in silence, which can be ackward indeed ;P
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:iconnetguru:
netguru Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2002
good poem...I liked the imagery. :) (Smile)
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:icongeobyte:
geobyte Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2002  Hobbyist Writer
This poem almost reminds me of a Tori Amos song...

"
while the silence grows
enveloping us
"

The repetition of these two lines turns a jellied form of feeling into concrete.
Reply
:iconchesterfield:
chesterfield Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2002  Hobbyist Writer
i don't get it but i do get a sensation from it and it's not as bad as it seems... like, it makes me think about an ex and the time spent in the backseat of a car, not making out or anything, just talking and laughing and riding along... before we were ever "together"... i kinda miss her when i think about that shit. up until we moved in together, she was the best thing i'd ever known and the most beautiful..... no she's married to a guy that used to be my friend.
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:iconbreid:
breid Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2002  Professional Artist
I love the way silence is represented as a presence or a force.

I have been here before.

As usual, I struggle with words to respond. So I'll say it with a *fav*.
Reply
:iconrebelchic:
rebelchic Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2002
:o (Eek) this is magnificent...
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:icon82deg:
82deg Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2002
Yes, i agree with milath...awkward silence it's the last thing you would wanna deal with at times like this...
i really like this piece...it's very heart-felt...and the imagery really put me in a depressed, longing, mood myself...

and now that silence
binds my tongue
while bitter words infuse my brain
and tears burn in my throat
brought back by these memories


/me + favs :) (Smile)
Reply
:iconverbalize:
verbalize Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2002  Hobbyist Writer
this is a very intense poem I loved each line and the repeating at the end seemed to cement things in place.
I liked the formatting and the feel of this .
I'm sorry for the sadness but I am glad you have submitted as I enjoy your works emensely.
and your comments :) (Smile)
Reply
:iconnemish:
nemish Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2002
The format of the words lends one to believe the tabbed lines are a whispered voice, adding texture to the feelings and images. Very well presented.
Reply
:iconjesusbite:
jesusbite Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2002

and i closed my eyes
to your actions
and now that silence
binds my tongue


....wow. That says it all right there. Just, plain, Wow.
Reply
:iconelgatodiablo:
elgatodiablo Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2002
excellent work. excellent.

my silent inacceptance
your naive submission
and i closed my eyes
to your actions
and now that silence
binds my tongue
while bitter words infuse my brain
and tears burn in my throat
brought back by these memories

i love this. this makes me feel.
Reply
:iconkindred:
kindred Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2002  Hobbyist Writer
It's amazing how silence can say so much. Such a conductive moment.

Sounds like your weekend could have gone better...but i'm happy you're posting again. I love your stuff.


Kindred
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:iconfillerbunny:
fillerbunny Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2002
kinda confusing, but good all at the same time.
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:iconmilath:
milath Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2002
nothing worse then an awkward silence for any reason.. sounds like it happened in some kind of car trip with the dark blur of memories replacing the scenery. yeah that sounds familiar, but i rarely share those silences with anyone.. they're usually long gone by then.

i won't even hazard a guess as to what the personal situation is, but it sounds pretty intense... and the words reflect that.. short cacophony in the phrases...

good piece.
Reply
:iconjade:
jade Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2002
Mmm... I like this... the flow of the words and the pictures that form in my head as I read each line... the feelings that it builds up within me...

"and tears burn in my throat
brought back by these memories"

Like those lines... Thumbs Up
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